clouds

Feel like I’ve spent the past 12 years of my life studying something because I have to, gone down a certain route/path because it ‘seemed right’ and not because I really wanted to…

Used to believe in ‘everything happens for a reason’ ‘make the best of what you have’ but suddenly…all that seems like a load of bull. You’re just not good enough, you just didn’t put in enough effort, you are capable of so much more - maybe it’s pride speaking, but I want to prove to myself that no, I can do this. I can do this. I can do this

Whatever doesn’t kill me makes me stronger and if I feel like the past few years haven’t been fulfilling then I will have to start making it fulfilling…but how I really have no idea. Can I blame it on our education system? That we have no idea what to do, or is it just me? I’m useless, can’t decide shit for myself? Think I really have to start being independent and carve a path for myself - do something or I’ll never be satisfied with myself. I don’t have the luxury of being comfortably tethered to loved ones anymore because I fucked up, don’t have the luxury of stability, of comfort. Need to push myself of this comfort zone and see what’s out there, what I can do

The whole song is a study of reality through the lens of opposites: inside vs. outside, fact vs. fiction, heart vs. brain. When looking at something, which view shows the soul or the truth of the matter, and which is just a shadow or filter of the truth.

In the midst of his loneliness in the aftermath of being left, he’s perfecting his idea of what he had. He’s longing for a perfection that he never really had. Is he longing for fact or a fiction he’s created for himself?

The first stanza sets this up with the heart vs. the mind contradiction. The eye with vision (just like the heart with relationships) is the first receptor, the first judge. Because, it’s first, is it closer to the original and therefore more true? or is the brain more true after it’s had time to correct our eye’s vision. Our brain tends to do the same thing to our heart after a while in a relationship. The brain is always catching up with our instincts.

By repeating “turns you around” several times, he’s emphasizing that the brain does more than just a physical function of inverting an image, but the brain also locks onto the idea and dwells on it, dissects it, considers it over and over again and thinks it over constantly.

But is all that thinking and interpretation bringing him closer to the truth, or further from the truth. Did he really have a perfect relationship, or is he weaving a myth of perfection. Which is fact, which is fiction? The heart or the mind?

In the last lines of the song I think he realizes that he’s longing for a false perfection. His reality is that he’s alone now. That’s the fact. The fiction is the relationship that’s now over: they were together, but it couldn’t work because it wasn’t true. All the time they spent together was just a sham because at the heart of the matter it couldn’t work.

- Alsatian on SongMeanings.net, 2004

I just really wanna be home now. Someone take me home, please, please

mm attic + lots of skylight.
i also need to get the breakfast in bed tray (: — mm attic + lots of skylight.

i also need to get the breakfast in bed tray (:
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i like this. i love the table at the edge of the bed. i love the painting. the fairy lights enclosed in a translucent…material. love the macbook air, the fluffy duvet with dandelions…love it alll
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oh god, this caravan is awesome
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can we please go for a music fest soon?
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